Advice from grandmothers, mothers, and daughters on finding your purpose and enjoying the journey
When university ends, so does the predictability of academic life. The next step is unclear. No natural progression in the following September. With no more lecture schedules or deadlines, there’s so much freedom, posing the big question of: what now?
An impending feeling of loss, nostalgia, and often a lack of purpose can leave us spiralling and considering random career paths, or five-day hikes in Slovenia, to fill the void. But after wishing away the stress and instability of university life, why aren’t we just relieved?
For some, the answer to not spiralling and getting that relief is to dive into a career. For others, it is to stay close to home or relocate to a big city. But for a growing number of people, the idea of travelling feels both exciting and necessary. It feels that whilst I’m in a 9-to-5 job, my fellow university graduates are running marathons in Melbourne or backpacking their way through Nicaragua.
To help with my own queries of being lost and finding my purpose, I asked 41 women, anonymously, with a range of ages from 35 to 75, to see what they regretted most about their young years, and the wisdom they’d like to pass on to their younger selves.
32 of these women said they wished they had travelled more when they were younger, making it by far the most common regret. Many also linked this to their regret of settling down too early and not wishing enough for themselves, or continuing their studies.
“I regret not travelling more.”
“Go abroad more.”
“I should have said YES and allowed myself to see the world.”
“Don’t settle down too early. Enjoy your life and have loads of fun.”
“Enjoy life to its fullest.”
Travel for many is clearly not just a form of escapism, but a missed opportunity that is looked back on with longing. The freedom of your twenties is rare and often temporary, most likely being the years with the fewest people relying on you.
Responsibilities soon grow, career paths become winding and intertwined, and difficult to escape. Partners, homes, and families can all enter the picture before time slips by without a moment to relax into the pleasures and opportunities that may have passed you by.
Some of the women expressed that they didn’t fully realise how quickly those windows of freedom would close, not necessarily through any single big decision, but gradually, through accumulating obligations and small compromises. Travel, and the broader idea of choosing adventure, was something they felt should have been prioritised earlier, not put off for “someday.”
This doesn’t mean everyone must pack a bag and leave, but it does suggest something deeper: the importance of permitting yourself to explore, whether that means going abroad, trying new things, or simply being open to not having a rigid plan.
What stands out in all the reflections is a strong message to make space for yourself before life becomes louder with expectations and responsibilities. To say yes while you still can. To want more for yourself without guilt. To not confuse stability with fulfilment.
The secret regrets weren’t about failing. They were about not trying.
Maybe we need to actually find comfort in our mind wandering and letting ourselves feel okay with coming to terms with new challenges. It’s a privilege to have options and new paths to explore.
And perhaps this moment is not a crisis of direction, but a rare, fleeting invitation: To live widely. To choose boldly. And to make memories you won’t look back on with longing but with love and allow the nostalgia to be a reminder of happy memories, not a longing to return.
Because freedom does not always come with clarity. Sometimes it comes with questions, discomfort, and decisions that feel too big to make. But the women who have been through it before are not warning us of danger. They are urging us to move, to explore, and to take chances that may never come around again.
However, before you bail on that assessment centre and book a flight to Sydney, it is important to consider the social and economic context these women lived through when reflecting on their regrets. For many, travel may not have been accessible due to financial limitations, family expectations, or societal norms that discouraged independence. That lack of opportunity can often intensify the sense of regret later in life. What was once out of reach becomes more appealing in hindsight, not just for the experience itself, but for what it represented: freedom, choice, and the chance to explore before life settled into routine.
In contrast, young people today face a different set of challenges. Jobs feel scarce and competitive, buying property is increasingly unattainable with disproportionate rent and wages, and forming meaningful romantic connections is complicated by dating apps and shifting expectations. In this climate, settling down might seem more appealing than travelling, because it’s such an impressive thing to achieve, and it offers structure in a world where so much feels uncertain. But perhaps that is exactly why the message to take chances and explore still resonates so strongly. When stability feels hard to come by, it becomes even more important to seek out meaning, joy, and adventure on your own terms while you still can.
There is no single right answer and no perfect map. But the regrets shared were not about where someone ended up. They were about not giving themselves the chance to see what else was out there. Not giving themselves enough room to want something more. Being optimistic and curious is something we can all do.
BEYOND THE WORD 